Tuesday night left the Tomcats organization no option but to hold another mini-tournament. Tons of guys showed up ready and willing to go to battle on the Palace floor and then guzzle beers.
Captains were Stevo, Sunny and the Snow-panted one. Lovie was unable to draft this week as he was off taking care of things in Japan. Rumor has it that his company’s drilling caused the earthquake and resulting tsunami. There are those who think he may also be responsible for the assassination of JFK, break dancing, the black plague, big bang, diphtheria and worst of all, Perez Hilton…He did show up just in time to celebrate his team’s tournament victory even though he didn’t actually do anything.
The hockey was very good again with competitive games and great tending. Mikey impressed everyone with his two-pad stack followed by a complete fan-like roll over to the far side, just like the crazy slow-mo save in Mystery Alaska. There was the usual controversy as Jingles had some trouble with the time keeping. Apparently he has never seen any watch other than a digital in his young life. When the uproar began Jingles shrugged and said, “Hey, at least I showed up. Step back dudes”.
Fortunately, cooler heads prevailed and the beer started flowing. That always seems to cool the boys down. George was entirely impressed with the Tyskie beer. Stating, “Hey, these Polish guys really know how to do things. The case has no fucking handles and only fits 20 of the 24 beers”.
There was a celebrity sighting (no, not just Crow). Two members of Duran Duran showed up with ultra-cool shades and futuristic-looking grey jackets. Razor almost jumped out of his towel. OK, fair enough, he’s having trouble keeping anything inside that ratty old tea towel. “I think its Simon LeBon and Andy Taylor,” whispered Razor. Nope, its just Doc and the Matador responded the Falcon. “Our guys don’t tune meat whistles in their spare time”.
Sparky is dancing to Pink in his upcoming competition, apparently to a song called “Raise your glass”. Someone suggested changing the name to “In her ass”. Sunny started singing a little ditty “I like the way you hold your champagne glass, it makes me want to stick my dick in your ass…” or something like that. We were all laughing too hard to hear the rest. The boys toned it down a little bit and contented themselves with forcing Spark to wear his grade 10 Daisy Dukes in the competition. Any of you who do not have tickets yet should get them. Call Sparky if interested. A number of the Tomcats will be going, including Stevo, Sunny, Hollywood, Crow, Lovie, and Doc among others. Oh yeah, THEY SERVE ALCOHOL.
Snowpants thought it was funny that Chevy had the 90-year-old man dress socks up to the calves look going. “I bet he would have those on with sandals watering his concrete driveway if he wasn’t running around playing hockey” laughed Bulldog.
Junior returned to many cheers and pats on the back…until about 3 seconds into his first shift when he slashed Rocky in the throat. Just kidding, Junior’s aggressive style of play has been missed, and he only got him in the upper chest, not the esophagus. Junior was not as happy about the way Tomcat Tuesdays go nowadays. He was angry about the mini tourney, the new players, his stick as well as the Tyskie. Someone said he once was angry about a blowjob. He relaxed after a few drinks but flared up again when Razor suggested that he looked like a cross between Spud Webb, Regis Philbin, Gary Coleman.
The boys piled over to Purples for some lively debate over the best hockey town between Doc and Matty. The Matador backed Toronto while Doc sang the praises of Vancouver. Yes, you read that correctly, Vancouver. Where they sell fucking sushi. After some good arguments both ways Crow suggested that Doc might have sampled some of that crazy good weed while he lived out on the chilled out coast. Matty cleared it up, saying that the mushrooms are actually the best export from BC. You learn something every day. Regardless, Doc took his frustrations out on Lovie’s leg with constant hammer fists, which Lovie seems to have a hard time remembering as he always sits beside him. As Harry Ballsonue reported, Vince Boomba pulled a hugely classy maneuver by ordering up a pizza for the boys. He is all right, as are Crow, Skippy and Matty who were kind enough to take care of the bevies.
All the boys entered the kitchen in jest when leaving Purples and the sound of Tomcat laughter floated out into the evening…
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