Windsor Tomcats

Tuesday was an historic night for Tomcat Nation as the 3rd ever mini-tournament was held. The stage was abuzz as the captains selected their squads. Well, ok. Not really. Most guys were putting on jocks, creaming up their guitar string tight hammies with Icy Hot or slumped in a chair having a pregame cocktail.

“I play better when I grease the wheels” said Razor as he poured a golden MGD down his piehole. “Just make sure the wheels don’t come off” said Lovie. “I just drafted your ass…”

The teams were very even as they have been for each of the tourneys and the play was fast. Kael Critchlow stepped in on very short notice and showed no signs of rust. He did take a few minutes to get the speed of the shots down, but it did not hurt him as Lovie’s crew did not hit the net with a shot until the second period. He was cat-like in the crease and will certainly be even tougher to beat next time.

Stevo was a bit perturbed as he did not have his usual compadre Crow setting him up all night. “This sucks not having Crow here. I miss him like crazy. He completes me…” mumbled Stevo as he wandered aimlessly behind the curtain between games. “Fuck that” said Doc. “Stevo must have some dirt on Crow the way he sets him up every week. Where’s mine? Apparently my wings aren’t good enough to merit a few goalmouth feeds”

The teams were as follows:

Lovieville Flyers: Lovie, Soupy, Chevy, Razor, Jingles, Youngblood and Doc
Husky Eyes Hammers: Spinner, Rocky, Hurricane, Sparky, Killer and Kael
Stevos Devos: Stevo, Snowpants, Shamus, Yuri, Bulldog and Hollywood

The tourney came down to the final game between Stevo and Husky Eyes. Yellow needed to win by 5 or more to catch Lovie’s guys. Sunny must have had one hell of a pregame pep talk as they came out and pumped 5 goals in the first 6 minutes. Yuri gave some insight on Sunny’s tactics for raising their game. “Pep talk? Bullshit. He said he’d ram us in the ass over the beer cooler if we didn’t perform. Fucking Greeks”. Whatever it took the boys played like a house on fire. Stevo and his charges had a strong start to period 2 and looked like they were climbing back in the game to make the impossible possible before the Hammers put the hammer down so to speak. This gave Lovie’s team their third straight mini tournament victory. “He can have the minis” said Hurricane. “Lovie is always a bridesmaid and never a bride. He doesn’t perform at the real dance like I do”. Chevy stepped in at this point and began showing off all his championship rings to Hann, who turned away and double-checked that his wallet was still sealed tight…

Razor showed his true class by bringing his now-traditional rye along with the amber, sudsy stuff. Vic showed his class by pouring for all the guys while they partook in the friendly and sexually-themed banter. It was a good night for beers with a very strong showing on stage and at the pub.

The highlight of the night had to be Vic making his exit (or attempting to) from Purples. Still glowing from his reenactment of Brian Johnson doing Have a Drink on Me (now on the jukebox at the bar. Save your loonies boys…) Snowy attempted to make the usual quick back-door exit like he and the band used to do back in the day. Unfortunately for Vic, Purple’s kitchen has no corridor to the outside world. To save face he curled up beside the pizza oven for about an hour hoping to sneak out quietly after a few minutes. This of course, did not happen as all the boys moved their chairs to the wall side of the tables and stared at the kitchen door waiting…for an hour and 15 minutes. Finally, George coaxed Vic out of hiding. “Come on out you silly fuck”. “Oh yeah, make me a fucking turkey pot pie while you’re in there. Hold the peas and carrots, you know how I feel about vegetables” George chuckled. Vic came out sheepishly but was embraced by the group. You can have some fun, but how can you not love a guy like Snowy? He’s a great guy. Razor sat smiling as he enjoyed the thought of being the guy that introduced Vic to the Tomcats. “I look for guys that can do it on the floor, in the bar and on the stage” said Razor looking very GM-like. “The karaoke is just a bonus” added Razor. “That’s nothing. I have done it all those places and more” replied Doc. “I’ve also tried beds, couches, a trapeze, liberator, shower, hot tub, Stevos kitchen table, numerous planes and a porta-potty” Doc continued as he counted on his fingers for reference.

News and notes reported by Hollywood:
1. Dave Hann had an epiphany last night. He has now been introduced to the world wide interweb and the Tomcats website. “Have I been written about?” asked Hurricane. “Oh yes”, said Sparky. “Maybe you shouldn’t read the site after all”. Reportedly Dave learned a few things on his first visit to cyberspace. Naughty Allie lives up to her name, Gretzky got traded. To LA…and how to keep “winning” like Charlie Sheen.

2. Due to rounds of drinks and AC DC covers, Doc and Snowy achieved something most of us only dream about. The Tomcats Forever lyrics were changed to include their names. There was not a dry eye in the house. OK, maybe the guy in the crazy tight jeans with the huge JLo ass and leather vest, but I think that is an optical disorder…

3. Sparky was a welcome addition to the night as he has been missed. He did show some rust in his wit as he accidentally let out the fact that he had to chose between songs done by Pink or Enrique. George replied with his usual soft touch. “Some fucking choice that is. I would chose to stab myself repeatedly in both ears with scissors before listening to those assholes”

4. Speaking of George, there is some talk that he could gain another nickname due to his never-ending jokes and funny comments each week. “Rickles” was bandied about by the guys and had some interest. When mentioned to George he issued an official “Fuck off”.
5. Bulldog gave Lovie the gears over his man crush on Youngblood as yet again, Lovie picked Andy for his team. “It’s the chops” said Lovie, “hey, I’m only human”.

6. This weeks gauge of the Husky Eyes GM-o-meter spiked like crazy due to a very strong night from Soupy. Sunny was very angry that Lovie drafted the young Salaris from under his nose, which did not subside after Soupy led the team to victory and somehow missed out on a star. “I don’t get it”, said a despondent Lovie. “When Sunny came over to rail my wife today he never even said hello. Normally he gives me a high five and has me get him a couple beers. Today, he didn’t even look my way”.

7. The Tomcats Forever song has gained some emphatic fisting movements in 2 parts of the world-renowned anthem. These are probably due to the fact that Stevo has been recently introduced to the “categories” section of Youporn.

As stated earlier it was a great showing after hockey and many drinks were enjoyed. Kael is certainly an all-star when it comes to drinks as he stayed until the bitter end with the boys. It was great to see Vic, Hurricane, Soupy and Jingles hang out late as well. One day we will get Shamus back there to feel the magic. Bloggy will offer no real praise to Sparky, Doc, Hollywood, Stevo, Youngblood, Lovie and Razor as the fact that they stayed late is the furthest thing from news. It is a nasty habit that will land them a wing at Brentwood someday. Great guys, great times. Let’s do it again soon. Tomcats Forever.

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